Kaying Xiong Vue, 33

“Our journey to the United States was scary and long. We did not know where our final destination was going to be or whom we would meet once we got there. The journey began when our family of five took a bus from Ban Vinai to Bangkok. Once in Bangkok we waited for a few more days to complete our medical screenings and paperwork. Then we flew to O’Hare airport in Chicago. A Catholic church had sponsored our family to the United States. I remember feeling anxious and lost. There was a lot of noise at the airport, and we did not know which way to go once we came out of the plane. When we saw a Caucasian man holding a piece of cardboard with the name “Xiong” on it, we knew we were in the right place.

We lived in the Chicago area from 1978 to 1981. In 1981 we moved to Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I’ve lived here ever since.
My family experienced discrimination and racism like many other Hmong families at the time. I tried not to take the racist occurrences personally. It was just best to turn the other cheek when others were mean to us. My parents did not like conflict, and they always encouraged us to walk away. My sisters and I learned to ignore the verbal beatings that we received from Caucasian children and adults.

My parents did not speak much English, so I would have to translate for them at my own parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings. As a child, I took on many responsibilities. I went with my parents to the store, doctor visits, and anywhere they might require translating.

. . . I’ve also learned not to let other people tell me that I cannot do something. When I started at the University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire, the teacher education program was very competitive. During my first semester, my advisor told me, ‘Education is a very demanding field right now. We have people backlogged for student teaching placement that have not been placed. My recommendation to you is to try something else, to go into some other area of study and come back later to get your Master’s in Education. I think Education is going to be too demanding for you.’ She didn’t know me. I didn’t know her. Yet she felt compelled to give me this advice.

I walked away from that meeting thinking that perhaps she was right. A degree in Education may have been too demanding for someone like me. So I changed my major to Business Education and began taking business courses. Halfway through that semester, I began to realize that
I did not want to sit in an office all day long. So, despite my advisor’s recommendation, I went back and re-enrolled myself in the School of Education. It took me five full years to graduate, but I am glad that I listened to myself and not a stranger. If I had followed her advice at the time, I would not be where I am today.

Hmong women have made a lot of progress. There is a difference between inequality and respect. For example, all the women do the cooking at a large party, and then the men sit down to eat first. No one ever told me that I could not sit at the table with the men, but out of respect I do not. Yet, by the same token, Hmong men need to start understanding the bigger picture as well and know that this practice is not okay. In saying that, I am not placing blame on anyone. Many of those practices are ingrained into our culture and in who we are. It will take time to make changes, but it is never too late to start. While there are still issues like this out there, I know that we, as Hmong people, have come a long way in our journey. Positive changes will require the cooperative work of Hmong men and women alike. We will never get anything accomplished until we realize that change begins with each and every one of us. As Gandhi once said, ‘You must be the change you want to see.’

Kaying Xiong Vue is the first Hmong woman principal in the United States.

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Excerpt from Kaying's story, written by christa Xiong, photographed by Kou Vang