See chang , 51

In the 1960’s in Laos: “After the death of my father, my mother was afraid our uncles would sell us as slaves or make us marry much older men, so she took my sister and me and we ran away into the darkness of the night to Vietnam where they would not be able to find us. We stayed in Vietnam for many years until heavy fighting started in that area.

Then we came to Laos and settled in Sam Neua. In Sam Neua, I was old enough to go to school. Not too many girls were in school, but my mother allowed me to go.

When I was thirteen years old, I was washing clothes by the river when helicopters arrived in the village. I quickly rushed home to see what the commotion was. I wasn’t sure if they were the communists or the CIA secret army. I was afraid but curious and started inching closer.

The Hmong men were there to recruit two girls who had some schooling to go to Sam Tong to be nurses. With the war in full bloom, the demand for nurses was tremendously high. I told them that I knew how to read and write but wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave my family. At the last minute, I thought to myself that this could be my ticket to earning a better living for my family. I told my mother I was leaving with the soldiers and within minutes my whole life changed. I wanted to have a life that would allow me to help support my family, especially since I had no father.

I arrived in Sam Tong in 1964 and trained for two years as a nurse. I saved enough money to bring my mother and sister to live with me in the same village. I worked at the hospital, months at a time in rotating eight-hour shifts and I even slept at the hospital. Some days after my shift, I was able to come home briefly and see my family and confirm they were safe.

During my second year at the hospital, a pregnant Laotian woman came in with labor pains. She had the baby, her sixth, and died after fifteen days. It was heartbreaking to see her husband and five children mourning after their tragic loss. Since I took care of the Laotian woman while she was alive and helped her deliver the baby, the father decided it must have been fate to have such a kind person take care of his late wife. He offered the newborn to me because he sensed his son would grow up in a better world if he were with me. With five children already in his care, it was going to be difficult. I now had a brother.

My mother had been very depressed after the death of her second husband. She shut everyone out of her life, including us, her own children. She had been using opium and now was heavily dependent on it. The majority of the salary I earned at the hospital went to purchase milk for my brother, and the rest went to my mother. I’m not sure what she did with the money, but figured since she was the one taking care of the house, it was okay to give her everything. Every time I came home, my sister and brother would still be wearing the same clothes without any shoes. I dared not question her, for I knew her reaction would be anything but nice. As it turned out, my mother had an affair that I didn’t know of and gave birth to a baby girl. The infant passed away within a few days.

Even today, after I’ve been happily married for over 35 years, my mother refuses to acknowledge the truth about her past. I admire my mother for being a rebellious woman for her time. She didn’t follow any relatives and survived with my brothers on her own. She did eventually marry when she reached Thailand in 1978, but never had any children with her last husband. I have forgiven her for the past a long time ago; I only wish she could forgive herself. I still feel as though I am a stranger in her house when I visit.”

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Excerpt from See's story, written by Kou Vang. See Chang’s pictures were not taken. She passed away on December. 4, 2005 at the age of 51.